All of us have bad days. Hell, some of us have bad years. Anyone who says otherwise is just lying to your face. Even Oprah Winfrey and Bill Gates have had bad days. Recently, Obama has been having some, hell, Steve Jobs had a REALLY bad one recently. Too soon? Maybe. Thousand apologies.
So what do you do when you have a bad day? Some of us drink way our sorrows. Some work them out in the gym, throwing around monstrous weights. Some of us have sex, some eat. There are a gazillion ways to deal when the world is out to get you. I used to just get very cranky, and then drown my sorrows in trashy TV. Don't ask me why I thought Supernatural and One Tree Hill would save me. It's still a source of embarrassment. If you ever repeat it, I will... do something terrible. I just can't' think of it at the moment. Of course, there is the syndrome where something goes wrong early in your day, which puts you in a terrible mind set, so the bad things just keep snowballing. In that case, there is really nothing to do but forsake your day and get back in bed. Just start again tomorrow. For everyone's sake.
One thing I think most people will agree is universal is that when you are having a bad day, you want to complain to someone about it. If you are going to be in the dumps, well damnit, someone else should be there too! Misery loves company, right? I know mine certainly does. You call someone, and describe the terrible parts of your day, in detail, hoping that they will commiserate, and somehow make it better. That part always gets a bit fuzzy, because lets face it. there is really nothing anyone else can you. You are just angry at the world and want to vent.
This puts the other person in a difficult position. On the one hand, you want to help your friend in need, but on the other hand, who really wants to hear an indepth description of why someone else's life sucks? We all have enough problems of our own, without taking on someone else's, thank you very much! I know that is always my gut reaction.
With the exception of my mother, I have found that there are two main reactions that people have when you call them complaining. These may just be the two I see because I am in college surrounded by college students (take from that what you will) but it is my experience. (My mother just tells me to get over it. Fast.) So:
Reaction 1: I call this one, ME ME ME ME ME. This is where they listen to you, and then go" OH MY GOD I totally understand, the same exact thing happened to me... blah blah blah". Essentially, they listen to you, and then proceed to one up your bad day, and tell you why their day is actually much worse than yours. Awesome. I don't know about you, but when I am in a bad mood, and have just vented, I REALLY don't want someone else to try to one up my bad day and then ask for pity. I know that is shallow, I know that is hypocritical, but honestly, I don't care. I will not give someone else pity when I am cranky.
Reaction 2: Tough love. This is a gem. This is where you tell your friend what is wrong with your day, and they look at you, and then in a very matter of fact voice tell you where you went wrong in your day, and what you need to do to fix it. They then consider the conversation over and that their advice is practically the law. And if you continue to complain, or try to talk about it more? They just get snippy. I myself have been guilty of this reaction. It's a hard thing to not do! You hear your friend in need, and then you, as the unbiased observer, can probably see much more clearly than they can what is wrong. The problem with this one is that is is SO SUPERIOR. UGH. It is snobby, and unfeeling, and it's almost like a slap in the face.
I can say with 100% certainty that you have run into at least one of these reactions, if not both. They are equally frustrating. I know that I used to, and sometimes still do both of them. I have literally had to stop myself mid sentence a few times as I launch into an explanation of my my best friends boyfriend just dumped her. OOPS. That's not good friend material. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel! With my experience of being my friends shrink, and going to my own shrink, I have come up with the conclusion that the best reaction is just to listen. Don't say anything just listen. Ask questions, encourage them to think about their problems rationally, but mainly, your function is to act as a sounding board for them. You are simply filling the space as a verbal journal. I've found the best course of action is not to give advice unless explicitly asked for it. I know for me, I can normally talk myself through my problems. It might take me a while, but I WILL get there eventually. Most people will.
Hopefully this was enlightening. Maybe it made you think about your own reactions, or those of the people around you. It's interesting to think about, you can learn a lot from someone when they are stressed, or in some situation that they don't have complete control over. That's when you really get to meet them, when you really get to see what they are like. Maybe that's why some of the best friends that you have are also the ones you have the biggest fights with.
With that said, if your friend has been going for over an hour on the same problem, feel free to slap them. Hard. Maybe with a 2x4. To the face. That should snap them out of their hysteria.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
An Idea Worth Spreading
**I want to start off with a quick note. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about the changeable nature of this blog, so if you don't like it, tell me. I want to know.**
So. Now to begin. I have spent part of my day watching Ted talks. I'll agree that maybe this is not the best use of my time, but I'm on vacation, so I get to do whatever I please. Normally, I'll start one Ted talk, and get through maybe half of it before I get so bored I have to stop. A lot of them are crap, but occasionally, you come across really good ones, ones that really stick with you and captivate you. I happened upon two of them, back to back.
http://blog.ted.com/2012/01/04/lifes-third-act-jane-fonda-on-ted-com/
http://www.ted.com/talks/nigel_marsh_how_to_make_work_life_balance_work.html
I wanted to just briefly share both of these, and share with you what they made me think about. I've only ever posted three Ted Talks online (ones that I like), these being two of them. Sometimes, there is an idea that if actually embodied, could make a whole a lot of difference to a whole lot of people. Maybe that is a little vague. Here's a good example (that is similarly vague): I have once heard it described that the world would be a much happier place if people worked to live, instead of lived to work. Smart and catchy!
So now. To the Ted talks. The first one was given by Jane Fonda. If you really want to see what she said, well, take the 11 minutes and watch the presentation! I'm not doing all of the hard work for you. But she talked about how life is not the arc that most people think it is, namely that you progress up until your middle age, peak, and then start to decline. Rather, life is more of a stair case, and we get better with age. She also mentioned something else, which I thought was interesting. About 1/3 of your senior years status is determined by genes, which obviously you can't do anything about. But that means that you have control over 2/3 of your quality of life as you age. 2/3. 66.66%. That is a lot. It's not true that when you are old, your life is over. My own mother shamed me in wall balls the other day in the gym. My mother. Talk about a wake up call. She told me she has been using 12lbs, where as I have only been using 8lb. Believe me, I have not even touched the 8lb ball since then. It's interesting to think that the patterns we learn from our parents, about how to deal with life, and how to be successful, haunt us until our death beds. Some of those patterns are good, and some are destructive. It's easy to just say that it is inevitable that we will become old and decrepit and then die. It is much, much harder to actually fight to have a different life, to change yourself, especially when you are stuck in your ways.
Depression runs in my family. It's not a secret, and I am not ashamed of it. I was depressed for a long time, even though I wouldn't admit it. I was depressed, and angry at the world, and completely unable to help myself. It's really not a matter of blame, namely saying that it was my fault I was depressed, or it was my parents fault for not helping me. That is not the case at all. Blaming someone, even if it is yourself, won't fix the problem. It will probably just create more resentment and anger and make it worse. The reality is that there is a problem, and you need to fix it. For many things, like depression and anger, your brain learns certain ways to react, and eventually, the neural pathways are stuck, and it is hard to change them. Notice I said hard, not impossible. For depression especially, people say that if you have been seriously depressed for a long time, or twice for shorter amounts of time, no amount of therapy is going to help you, only anti depressants, because your brain has learned how to be depressed, and will not abandon those neural pathways. It's a struggle to learn new ones. It's not comfortable by any standards, but sometimes it is the right thing to do. It's easy to say that you don't have to be held down by what other people's ignorance tell you. It's easy to say that you are free to live your life the way you want, and damnit, if you want to pick up 400lbs when you are 60, well then, pick up 400lbs when you are 60!
The second Ted talk about balancing work and life felt particularly relevant to me. It has been a big source of stress in my life that all I want to do is enjoy myself, live life to the fullest until I die, and yet, I am going to sign over my soul to Medical School. Not much balance in your life when you are a med student. That is probably my biggest resistance to going to medical school. So what do you do about that? I don't have the answer. But that guy sure makes a compelling case to not live to work.
I know this posting was a little more serious. I am in a much more serious mood today. I don't think you can joke about everything all the time. Sometime, there are some things that require honestly and truth. Wisdom doesn't come from being older. Age is completely arbitrary. Look at George W Bush. You certainly wouldn't call him wise, but he is much older than most of us. So take a look at yourself. Go on. Take a second to think about what you do in life. How do you react when someone yells at you? Do you get mad easily? What happens when you are upset? Are you able to feel happiness? Now is as good a time as any to change the things you want to change about yourself. I know I am.
So. Now to begin. I have spent part of my day watching Ted talks. I'll agree that maybe this is not the best use of my time, but I'm on vacation, so I get to do whatever I please. Normally, I'll start one Ted talk, and get through maybe half of it before I get so bored I have to stop. A lot of them are crap, but occasionally, you come across really good ones, ones that really stick with you and captivate you. I happened upon two of them, back to back.
http://blog.ted.com/2012/01/04/lifes-third-act-jane-fonda-on-ted-com/
http://www.ted.com/talks/nigel_marsh_how_to_make_work_life_balance_work.html
I wanted to just briefly share both of these, and share with you what they made me think about. I've only ever posted three Ted Talks online (ones that I like), these being two of them. Sometimes, there is an idea that if actually embodied, could make a whole a lot of difference to a whole lot of people. Maybe that is a little vague. Here's a good example (that is similarly vague): I have once heard it described that the world would be a much happier place if people worked to live, instead of lived to work. Smart and catchy!
So now. To the Ted talks. The first one was given by Jane Fonda. If you really want to see what she said, well, take the 11 minutes and watch the presentation! I'm not doing all of the hard work for you. But she talked about how life is not the arc that most people think it is, namely that you progress up until your middle age, peak, and then start to decline. Rather, life is more of a stair case, and we get better with age. She also mentioned something else, which I thought was interesting. About 1/3 of your senior years status is determined by genes, which obviously you can't do anything about. But that means that you have control over 2/3 of your quality of life as you age. 2/3. 66.66%. That is a lot. It's not true that when you are old, your life is over. My own mother shamed me in wall balls the other day in the gym. My mother. Talk about a wake up call. She told me she has been using 12lbs, where as I have only been using 8lb. Believe me, I have not even touched the 8lb ball since then. It's interesting to think that the patterns we learn from our parents, about how to deal with life, and how to be successful, haunt us until our death beds. Some of those patterns are good, and some are destructive. It's easy to just say that it is inevitable that we will become old and decrepit and then die. It is much, much harder to actually fight to have a different life, to change yourself, especially when you are stuck in your ways.
Depression runs in my family. It's not a secret, and I am not ashamed of it. I was depressed for a long time, even though I wouldn't admit it. I was depressed, and angry at the world, and completely unable to help myself. It's really not a matter of blame, namely saying that it was my fault I was depressed, or it was my parents fault for not helping me. That is not the case at all. Blaming someone, even if it is yourself, won't fix the problem. It will probably just create more resentment and anger and make it worse. The reality is that there is a problem, and you need to fix it. For many things, like depression and anger, your brain learns certain ways to react, and eventually, the neural pathways are stuck, and it is hard to change them. Notice I said hard, not impossible. For depression especially, people say that if you have been seriously depressed for a long time, or twice for shorter amounts of time, no amount of therapy is going to help you, only anti depressants, because your brain has learned how to be depressed, and will not abandon those neural pathways. It's a struggle to learn new ones. It's not comfortable by any standards, but sometimes it is the right thing to do. It's easy to say that you don't have to be held down by what other people's ignorance tell you. It's easy to say that you are free to live your life the way you want, and damnit, if you want to pick up 400lbs when you are 60, well then, pick up 400lbs when you are 60!
The second Ted talk about balancing work and life felt particularly relevant to me. It has been a big source of stress in my life that all I want to do is enjoy myself, live life to the fullest until I die, and yet, I am going to sign over my soul to Medical School. Not much balance in your life when you are a med student. That is probably my biggest resistance to going to medical school. So what do you do about that? I don't have the answer. But that guy sure makes a compelling case to not live to work.
I know this posting was a little more serious. I am in a much more serious mood today. I don't think you can joke about everything all the time. Sometime, there are some things that require honestly and truth. Wisdom doesn't come from being older. Age is completely arbitrary. Look at George W Bush. You certainly wouldn't call him wise, but he is much older than most of us. So take a look at yourself. Go on. Take a second to think about what you do in life. How do you react when someone yells at you? Do you get mad easily? What happens when you are upset? Are you able to feel happiness? Now is as good a time as any to change the things you want to change about yourself. I know I am.
Friday, January 6, 2012
A Healthy Addiction
I have a confession to make. I have the feeling that it is one that I have made before, but I feel that in the sake of honesty, it must be made again. I am an addict; a junkie, if you will. I have a compulsion, and I can't stop myself. I need a fix at least every other day, preferably four a days a week, body permitting. Without my fix, I become grouchy, distant, and generally pissy. Like the cliched woman that every man dreads to be around. But my addiction is good for me. I know what you are thinking, that's what every addict says. Am I right? Of course I am. But this time, I mean it. I would not give up my addiction if you paid me a million dollars. Maybe if you paid me a million and one dollars, but even then I would have to think about it. What is this addiction, you might ask? Why, it's Crossfit. Duh! What else?
If you have known me for at least ten minutes, you have probably heard me talk about the pain, blood, sweat and occasional tear that Crossfit has caused me. At this point, you are probably ready to either run screaming for the hills or beat your head loudly and violently against the nearest wall rather than have me talk about it again. I don't care. Start running/bashing. Be my guest. But I am going to talk about it again, at least briefly. I have been hit by a sudden urge. If, on the off chance that you have no idea what I am talking about, stop reading this immediately and go to crossfit.com. Take a look around. Don't you dare come back until you have looked at it. I'll know if you haven't.
Ok. I have given you a substantial amount of time to peruse anything related to crossfit. Now back to me! When I was a kid, I absolutely LOATHED the gym. Seriously. I thought anyone who would go to one of those hell holes to work out in was insane. Quite possibly clinically. We are humans, right? We are supposed to be outside, living in the moment and what not! Not inside staring at the mirror admiring our biceps. Well, that was my impression, back in my angsty teenage years. Let's just move right along, shall we? No use dwelling on the past.
When I was dragged to Crossfit, my mind was blown. I deadlifted a bunch of weight, and I felt awesome. If nothing else, it gave me a sense of accomplishment, and a standard with which to judge everything else. If I could push my body to such limits that I would vomit after a workout, and then go back for more later, what couldn't I do? (Minor note: I have never actually vomited after a workout, it's just a figure of speech. The closest I have ever come to that is when I PR'd on my 500 meter row, and spent the next half an hour twitching on the floor, and dry heaving outside. Bleh).
Now, even though my hands are torn up from pullups (they tore on the second to last pull up of the day, WHY DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN???) and muscles I didn't even know I had are aching, I am still bummed I can't go tomorrow. And trying to plan when I have time to go back. Insanity? Quite possibly. Or maybe it is the sanest that I have been in a long time. Crossfit has given me a clarity in my life I was not sure I would ever find. It gives me a purpose. I feel strongly and passionately about it, and that gives me a drive in the rest of my day. It has helped me reshape my goals. I want to be a better, stronger person. I don't want to succumb to the stereotypes of modern Americans. I want to pushy my boundaries, and become the best person I can. For me, it's as much about personal development as it is about personal fitness. I will always make time to go to the gym. Organic chemistry can either wait, or do itself, thank you very much. I have much more important things to attend to. When people ask me if I am religious (and if I am feeling feisty) I'll reply "Of course: I have Crossfit." Well, not really, but don't tell.
Not only does Crossfit give me a standard with which to compare the rest of my problems in life, but I can feel its positive effects all day, every day. I feel strong, I feel confident, I feel ready. For anything. And everything. Well, maybe not a spontaneous grizzly bear attack, but you catch my drift. I am pretty sure very sad and deadly things would happen to me if a grizzly bear burst into my bed room right now. I feel fit for life. If I want to go snowboarding, no problem! I will most certainly be able to walk the next day, unlike most beginning of season snowboarders. If I want to go hiking, no problem. Hell, if I have to run to class because my alarm didn't go off in the morning, that's ok too. My quality of life has improved tremendously thanks to Crossfit.
I was planning on adding some little addendum about how I feel different after Hoffman (http://hoffmaninstitute.org/) and how Crossfit has only helped this mentality. But quite frankly, at this particular moment and hour of the day, I can't think of any good and slightly funny way to describe that bond. The feelings from Hoffman are separate from the feelings of Crossfit. Both are valid, but not linkable in this blog.
I'm not sure why I decided to share this with you. It seemed important at the time. I also have the feeling that I am going to read this again tomorrow and find that it is severely lacking in anything that is actually important to say. I have probably completely screwed up my explanation of why Crossfit is important, or even why it is important that I share it. It's a hard thing to describe if you haven't done it. It is definitely a community of addicts. But when the addiction is something that only makes you fitter and healthier, well, can you blame me?
If you have known me for at least ten minutes, you have probably heard me talk about the pain, blood, sweat and occasional tear that Crossfit has caused me. At this point, you are probably ready to either run screaming for the hills or beat your head loudly and violently against the nearest wall rather than have me talk about it again. I don't care. Start running/bashing. Be my guest. But I am going to talk about it again, at least briefly. I have been hit by a sudden urge. If, on the off chance that you have no idea what I am talking about, stop reading this immediately and go to crossfit.com. Take a look around. Don't you dare come back until you have looked at it. I'll know if you haven't.
Ok. I have given you a substantial amount of time to peruse anything related to crossfit. Now back to me! When I was a kid, I absolutely LOATHED the gym. Seriously. I thought anyone who would go to one of those hell holes to work out in was insane. Quite possibly clinically. We are humans, right? We are supposed to be outside, living in the moment and what not! Not inside staring at the mirror admiring our biceps. Well, that was my impression, back in my angsty teenage years. Let's just move right along, shall we? No use dwelling on the past.
When I was dragged to Crossfit, my mind was blown. I deadlifted a bunch of weight, and I felt awesome. If nothing else, it gave me a sense of accomplishment, and a standard with which to judge everything else. If I could push my body to such limits that I would vomit after a workout, and then go back for more later, what couldn't I do? (Minor note: I have never actually vomited after a workout, it's just a figure of speech. The closest I have ever come to that is when I PR'd on my 500 meter row, and spent the next half an hour twitching on the floor, and dry heaving outside. Bleh).
Now, even though my hands are torn up from pullups (they tore on the second to last pull up of the day, WHY DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN???) and muscles I didn't even know I had are aching, I am still bummed I can't go tomorrow. And trying to plan when I have time to go back. Insanity? Quite possibly. Or maybe it is the sanest that I have been in a long time. Crossfit has given me a clarity in my life I was not sure I would ever find. It gives me a purpose. I feel strongly and passionately about it, and that gives me a drive in the rest of my day. It has helped me reshape my goals. I want to be a better, stronger person. I don't want to succumb to the stereotypes of modern Americans. I want to pushy my boundaries, and become the best person I can. For me, it's as much about personal development as it is about personal fitness. I will always make time to go to the gym. Organic chemistry can either wait, or do itself, thank you very much. I have much more important things to attend to. When people ask me if I am religious (and if I am feeling feisty) I'll reply "Of course: I have Crossfit." Well, not really, but don't tell.
Not only does Crossfit give me a standard with which to compare the rest of my problems in life, but I can feel its positive effects all day, every day. I feel strong, I feel confident, I feel ready. For anything. And everything. Well, maybe not a spontaneous grizzly bear attack, but you catch my drift. I am pretty sure very sad and deadly things would happen to me if a grizzly bear burst into my bed room right now. I feel fit for life. If I want to go snowboarding, no problem! I will most certainly be able to walk the next day, unlike most beginning of season snowboarders. If I want to go hiking, no problem. Hell, if I have to run to class because my alarm didn't go off in the morning, that's ok too. My quality of life has improved tremendously thanks to Crossfit.
I was planning on adding some little addendum about how I feel different after Hoffman (http://hoffmaninstitute.org/) and how Crossfit has only helped this mentality. But quite frankly, at this particular moment and hour of the day, I can't think of any good and slightly funny way to describe that bond. The feelings from Hoffman are separate from the feelings of Crossfit. Both are valid, but not linkable in this blog.
I'm not sure why I decided to share this with you. It seemed important at the time. I also have the feeling that I am going to read this again tomorrow and find that it is severely lacking in anything that is actually important to say. I have probably completely screwed up my explanation of why Crossfit is important, or even why it is important that I share it. It's a hard thing to describe if you haven't done it. It is definitely a community of addicts. But when the addiction is something that only makes you fitter and healthier, well, can you blame me?
Thursday, January 5, 2012
The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem
I have been thinking about blogging again for sometime. About a month ago, I even thought of a good blog in my head. I just never wrote it down. And then the motivation faded, as it always does, and I was once again reduced to simply sitting on the couch and dreaming up all sorts of lovely things that I could share with anyone who cared to be shared with. And then a few short days ago, my mother grabbed her ipad, sat down across from me, and said "Why aren't you blogging anymore?" And once again, the motivation came back. Quite possibly out of guilt, but as long as the finished product is available, who cares about how it got there? I think we can safely say that child labor is evidence of that. Too much? Maybe. My apologies.
So now that my motivation to write something profound and witty has come back, I am now faced with the problem of finding some sort of material to draw from so that I can write. In the past, it's been easy: I just write about my travels, and away we go. That is always funny. Well, it is mostly me just making fun of myself, but that'll do! But now I don't have that luxury. I am just at school in Vermont. That is nice and tame. I don't want to write a blog about how awesome I am, because quite frankly, that would be VERY short lived.
So I started a new blog to distance myself from the old ones. I'm a new person, a new me. I have new experiences that I never could have had before, and quite frankly, experiences that I never would have wanted before. I think it is those experiences that I want to write about. I might not post every day, and the postings that I do make will occasionally be dull. Those of you that read it might stop reading it, but that's ok. If you would rather spend your time watching Gossip Girl, I suppose I understand. There are a rather large amount of seasons to catch up on. I am going to write about my reflections, about my thoughts, and about things that I find interesting or intriguing. Or maybe, like this posting, I will just write to fill the space. I know all of this sounds horribly egotistical, but bear with me. It will get better.
I wanted to title this blog "Descent into Madness" but that would have given the wrong tone. I want this to be a place where we can explore the madness, or assumed madness, of everyone else around us. Maybe ourselves too. I have more than my fair share of neurosis. Who doesn't? Essentially, I am going to write about everything and anything. But I sure hope I have a fun time doing it. Stay tuned for the next installment
So now that my motivation to write something profound and witty has come back, I am now faced with the problem of finding some sort of material to draw from so that I can write. In the past, it's been easy: I just write about my travels, and away we go. That is always funny. Well, it is mostly me just making fun of myself, but that'll do! But now I don't have that luxury. I am just at school in Vermont. That is nice and tame. I don't want to write a blog about how awesome I am, because quite frankly, that would be VERY short lived.
So I started a new blog to distance myself from the old ones. I'm a new person, a new me. I have new experiences that I never could have had before, and quite frankly, experiences that I never would have wanted before. I think it is those experiences that I want to write about. I might not post every day, and the postings that I do make will occasionally be dull. Those of you that read it might stop reading it, but that's ok. If you would rather spend your time watching Gossip Girl, I suppose I understand. There are a rather large amount of seasons to catch up on. I am going to write about my reflections, about my thoughts, and about things that I find interesting or intriguing. Or maybe, like this posting, I will just write to fill the space. I know all of this sounds horribly egotistical, but bear with me. It will get better.
I wanted to title this blog "Descent into Madness" but that would have given the wrong tone. I want this to be a place where we can explore the madness, or assumed madness, of everyone else around us. Maybe ourselves too. I have more than my fair share of neurosis. Who doesn't? Essentially, I am going to write about everything and anything. But I sure hope I have a fun time doing it. Stay tuned for the next installment
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