When the World is Out To Get You

All of us have bad days. Hell, some of us have bad years. Anyone who says otherwise is just lying to your face. Even Oprah Winfrey and Bill Gates have had bad days. Recently, Obama has been having some, hell, Steve Jobs had a REALLY bad one recently. Too soon? Maybe. Thousand apologies.

So what do you do when you have a bad day? Some of us drink way our sorrows. Some work them out in the gym, throwing around monstrous weights. Some of us have sex, some eat. There are a gazillion ways to deal when the world is out to get you. I used to just get very cranky, and then drown my sorrows in trashy TV. Don't ask me why I thought Supernatural and One Tree Hill would save me. It's still a source of embarrassment. If you ever repeat it, I will... do something terrible. I just can't' think of it at the moment. Of course, there is the syndrome where something goes wrong early in your day, which puts you in a terrible mind set, so the bad things just keep snowballing. In that case, there is really nothing to do but forsake your day and get back in bed. Just start again tomorrow. For everyone's sake.

One thing I think most people will agree is universal is that when you are having a bad day, you want to complain to someone about it. If you are going to be in the dumps, well damnit, someone else should be there too! Misery loves company, right? I know mine certainly does. You call someone, and describe the terrible parts of your day, in detail, hoping that they will commiserate, and somehow make it better. That part always gets a bit fuzzy, because lets face it. there is really nothing anyone else can you. You are just angry at the world and want to vent.

This puts the other person in a difficult position. On the one hand, you want to help your friend in need, but on the other hand, who really wants to hear an indepth description of why someone else's life sucks? We all have enough problems of our own, without taking on someone else's, thank you very much! I know that is always my gut reaction.

With the exception of my mother, I have found that there are two main reactions that people have when you call them complaining. These may just be the two I see because I am in college surrounded by college students (take from that what you will) but it is my experience. (My mother just tells me to get over it. Fast.) So:

Reaction 1: I call this one, ME ME ME ME ME. This is where they listen to you, and then go" OH MY GOD I totally understand, the same exact thing happened to me... blah blah blah". Essentially, they listen to you, and then proceed to one up your bad day, and tell you why their day is actually much worse than yours. Awesome. I don't know about you, but when I am in a bad mood, and have just vented, I REALLY don't want someone else to try to one up my bad day and then ask for pity. I know that is shallow, I know that is hypocritical, but honestly, I don't care. I will not give someone else pity when I am cranky.

Reaction 2: Tough love. This is a gem. This is where you tell your friend what is wrong with your day, and they look at you, and then in a very matter of fact voice tell you where you went wrong in your day, and what you need to do to fix it. They then consider the conversation over and that their advice is practically the law. And if you continue to complain, or try to talk about it more? They just get snippy. I myself have been guilty of this reaction. It's a hard thing to not do! You hear your friend in need, and then you, as the unbiased observer, can probably see much more clearly than they can what is wrong. The problem with this one is that is is SO SUPERIOR. UGH. It is snobby, and unfeeling, and it's almost like a slap in the face.

I can say with 100% certainty that you have run into at least one of these reactions, if not both. They are equally frustrating. I know that I used to, and sometimes still do both of them. I have literally had to stop myself mid sentence a few times as I launch into an explanation of my my best friends boyfriend just dumped her. OOPS. That's not good friend material. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel! With my experience of being my friends shrink, and going to my own shrink, I have come up with the conclusion that the best reaction is just to listen. Don't say anything just listen. Ask questions, encourage them to think about their problems rationally, but mainly, your function is to act as a sounding board for them. You are simply filling the space as a verbal journal. I've found the best course of action is not to give advice unless explicitly asked for it. I know for me, I can normally talk myself through my problems. It might take me a while, but I WILL get there eventually. Most people will.

Hopefully this was enlightening. Maybe it made you think about your own reactions, or those of the people around you. It's interesting to think about, you can learn a lot from someone when they are stressed, or in some situation that they don't have complete control over. That's when you really get to meet them, when you really get to see what they are like. Maybe that's why some of the best friends that you have are also the ones you have the biggest fights with.

With that said, if your friend has been going for over an hour on the same problem, feel free to slap them. Hard. Maybe with a 2x4. To the face. That should snap them out of their hysteria.